Trying to deal: Actually scared

Monday, March 12, 2012

Actually scared

I am actually scared. Today is the flow study at ADI and my first apt with the Neurologist (not the neurosurgeon..) Yesterday especially last night I could barely feel my left leg (for awhile I couldnt feel it at all) Right now all i feel in it is numb tingling.

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Invisible yet again

The first thing that comes to my mind is "But you don't look sick!?" Yeah, we get that alot. Chiari Malformation is considered an invisible illness because you don't usually see the symptoms on the outside.
Of course I look normal.
You can't see the pressure in my head.
You can't see that it feels like my head could explode at any minute.
You can't see that my hands and feet are numb and tingling.
I may stumble or walk into something, but I just look clumsy to you...You don't see my balance and depth perception problems.
You don't hear the ringing in my ears.
You hear my speech slurr or I trip over my words. You laugh, I laugh. But do you know why it happens? Does that come to mind when you hear it?
You don't see me almost black out from getting dizzy and lightheaded if I drive too fast over a hill.
(I know why I can't ride rollercoasters.)
I could continue to go on and on with the list.

Trying to deal

Monday, March 12, 2012

Actually scared

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