Trying to deal: first day of spring

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

first day of spring

Today is the first day of spring. I cannot believe it. I did not think I would actually make it to "beautiful weather" again. I did not know what would actually claim me, PTSD or medical crap. I am limited to what i can do outside cause of everything, anxiety and depression has been running ram-pet. I do not want to give up but it seems I have to either deal with ptsd or medical, noone is there at all for everything. Even the doctors don't know what to say when i tell them what is all going on. I'm on so many pills my own kids say it looks like i'm on a druggy. Then that damn scar on my neck looks like I slit my throat...

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Invisible yet again

The first thing that comes to my mind is "But you don't look sick!?" Yeah, we get that alot. Chiari Malformation is considered an invisible illness because you don't usually see the symptoms on the outside.
Of course I look normal.
You can't see the pressure in my head.
You can't see that it feels like my head could explode at any minute.
You can't see that my hands and feet are numb and tingling.
I may stumble or walk into something, but I just look clumsy to you...You don't see my balance and depth perception problems.
You don't hear the ringing in my ears.
You hear my speech slurr or I trip over my words. You laugh, I laugh. But do you know why it happens? Does that come to mind when you hear it?
You don't see me almost black out from getting dizzy and lightheaded if I drive too fast over a hill.
(I know why I can't ride rollercoasters.)
I could continue to go on and on with the list.

Trying to deal

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

first day of spring

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My chiari

Knock it out

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