Today's the day

Today I have apt's with the NS and the NL. Today is the day that the NS said that if the meds are not working, which they aren't, surgery will be scheduled. I am nervous as anything, I do not like the idea of someone messing with my brain like this, and do not like the idea of these syrinx's in my spinal cord. I want my old life back, I want to be able to garden without being in pain for days. I am tired of my head feeling like it is going to explode. I am so tired of feeling out of control of my life and my body. I remember when I left Iowa the first time for bootcamp and feeling like nothing could touch me and nothing would hurt me. I have fallen off birds so many times and "bounced" back up on my feet like nothing had happened. If I would have known that I'd pay for it years later... I always went running, could do push ups with the best of them, garden for hours at a time, go to the shooting range and not have a problem. Now even a 21 gun salute makes my head want to explode. I cannot ride a bike, cant garden for hours at a time, crap I cannot even vacuum without killing my back and head!!! I am trying to prepare for what is going to be happening but how in world can I when I do not know what will happen and even if surgery will work!!! I am a planner, I need everything planned out and it has to go in order or I get lost!!!! All of this is making it impossible to plan!!!!

I got my deck in, flag pole will be here today according to UPS, Ryan got me my dream desk, turn of century secretary desk, I love it. He got it for me for my graduation present for my AA degree. It will work great when I am going full force on studying. Ryan and Kody are going to stain the deck a walnut color and I have a patio set picked out. I love it