The thinking isnt stopping

I do not know why but I cannot stop thinking about the what if's. It's so quiet in the house with Ryan and the kids gone for the week, then next week Ryan's dad's here, then day before surgery he leaves. I know I should not not have ill feelings towards him about that but I do not want to deal with that stress  right before that surgery. That does not seem right. Last time he was here I had to cook every meal, and that man eats like his own personal army, I had to clean up his messes, do his laundry, be his cab since he does not know his way around. Ryan works full time and since he took his vacation time to go back home to see his mom he's out of his vacation time now. I am just going to give his dad the GPS unit. I already told Ryan do not be surprised if the 18th and 19th I hide upstairs in bedroom. It is bad enough I am already off all pain meds. I have been having pretty much daily migraines and trying to deal with it myself because I hate the ER so much and I do not want to bug my sweet neighbor.

How do I keep sane before surgery through all of this? I have the sweetest friends, lost one that turned out to be a back stabbing scamming self centered c***. Only thing I have to thank her for is I met my brother Jason. One of the sweetest marines I'll probably ever know.

I thank  God every day for my family, blood and military, and my friends. If I did not have them I do not know what I would do. I am truly blessed in this life even with everything going on medically going on.