Right now i feel i could crawl into hole and never come out. Since this morning I have barely stopped crying at all. At the hospital Ryan actually stuck around, I think because I told him I didnt want my car driving all over the place and a bunch of mileage. He made fun of all the running, or wobbling to the bathroom, took over remote to watch Fox news the entire time being racist the entire time going off on everyone and anyone. My heart rate was so high by time they took me back to room that they literally put me out for it. Atleast it didn't hurt. But they did find 8 polyps, 5 small ones and 3 large ones....he said he's not worried about the small ones but the 3 large ones he's worried about. I got home after more nasty comments and saw the man i love's ring on Ryan's finger....I am beyond upset.
He blocked me on fb, blocked my phone, he wanted to know what was going on today but I have no way of letting him know, I feel like total trash right now tossed aside. I know he said he had to have time, but to yell at me like he has been, going off on me, putting me down really hurts.
I have no family, no man that really cares like I thought i had, I lost my best friend and love. If I disappeared it wouldn't really matter
What really hurts is I ordered wedding band for him even had it engraved and it came in the mail yesterday :'(
Yes it would matter if you disappeared, and many of brother and sister Veterans care about you!
ReplyDeleteNever, ever, forget that......
Do NOT talk like that...I am in such sadness for you...but this is coming from me...I didn't and still don't know how to go on, but I'm here...I lost my husband to another woman after 20 years, 6 months later I lost my 18 yr job as a newly single divorced woman. I had 3 children totally distraught but they took it out on the only one around...ME...Somehow I made it thru the next 5 yrs only to have my entire body give out on me as I went back to teaching high school..I lost that job too along with 5 others due to my body..then I had 2 join the Military and w/in 7 months one was in Iraq...my best friend and daughter...but somehow putting one foot in front of the other gets you through..no matter how bad you don't want to put your life on hold, you have children, you put your face in the wind and know we are here to catch you if you get blown over...don't consider the ultimatum...it can be overcome, I of all should know. I have come to care for you so much..my heart hurts for you...but God is challenging you like he did me this past year...one foot in front of the other...with us being here for you...tho we cant take away your pain and fear...a lot of us "get it" so use us...resource us....I didn't think I would see daylight again after Kimi died, but I'm still here...God has plans...maybe my pain will help you get thru yours! I know we all wish we could get you an answer you want, but since we can't, know we are who you need!! <3 U !!
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